It's long overdue, but I have been inspired to write about you. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I'm sure the same can be said for many other people that were in your life. I hear a lot of could've, would've, should've...I still think that some people feel as though your fate could have been in their hands if they just did something a little differently. I feel that some are still attempting to process all of the emotions that come along with losing someone whom they loved so dearly. The only thing that I can say is that it's vital for everyone to take a lesson from you...about how you lived your life to the fullest...no matter what the consequences were. Part of my inspiration for writing this was mainly due to Terrance. So, to you, Ron, we will ensure that your spirit never dies, my dude....
I remember when my mom called me to tell me that you had passed. The mood was somber. It was a Saturday night, and Daud and I were sitting back drinking a brewskie. Motorcycle accident. I put the phone down, told D the news, and the first thing that he said to me was, "wasn't he just in a motorcycle accident, babe?" My attention was focused on my little cousin, Terrance. First person that I called after I hung up the phone with my mom. Shep and his crew were always together, so I was a bit apprehensive to find out how everyone was doing. I knew it wasn't too well. Then I thought of Tish, your dad, your mom, your sisters, Aunt Sandy...
Now, I've dealt with death on many different levels, many insane circumstances. It was different when I found the news with you. Found myself asking many more questions than usual when it comes to death. Could anything have been done differently? Could there have been anyone who would have been able to stop you from riding your bike that night? I don't want to really go into the other questions that I was asking because I'm emotional enough writing this blog. After a day or two of finally accepting the fact that you weren't going to be here in the flesh anymore, I realized that there was nothing that anyone could have done. Unfortunately, God made the decision to take you earlier than everyone else may have expected.
Daud and I rode to the funeral with Terrance. I was honestly afraid to look Terrance in his eyes, because I knew his pain. I mean, I spent a lot of time with this kid during childhood and adulthood, so I know him....very well. I knew that nothing that I was going to say was going to make him feel any better, so we just remained quiet for the ride. We get to the church, and I noticed many faces that I haven't seen in years. Main focus was just making sure that your crew, who was standing @ the front of the church, united, was going to be alright. Left Terrance to be with everybody, and D and I walked into the church. We sat in the back, and my eyes became fixed on Tish. I had no words to utter...I couldn't feel her pain as deeply as she was feeling it; I just sat, watched, shed tears...and waited.
I remember when the pastor talked about you. First thing that he mentioned is that you lived more life in your 24 years than most people do in an entire lifetime. Oh, so true. One thing that I always respected about you is that you were a walker, not a talker. Some people always talking about what they're going to do...never actually doing it because of fear of the unknown. Afraid to take a risk. Afraid of failure, rejection, even success. That was never you. You did what you said you were going to do. You lived life to the fullest, and that is one lesson I hope that people realize at the end of the day.
No, I'm not taking away from anyone's pain...I don't think that the pain will ever go away. But, I chose to celebrate you as a person, being grateful that I got the chance to know you beyond the surface. One thing that I can say about this, I hope that people choose to actually LIVE and not merely survive. Life is not guaranteed to any of us, so I hope that people learn not to hold grudges, make amends, love, and always look at the bigger picture. I find that so many people get wrapped up in the menial bullshit in life, as opposed to knowing that everything is going to work out. I hope that people have learned to have faith in God, and not just themselves.
I hope that people learn to think deeper than the surface. In all reality, we're never really safe anywhere that we go. So, I'm hoping that people learn to be dreamers, doing what they really want to do...not letting anyone or anything hold them back. You did it. And I will not sit here and regret what could have, should have, or would have been. We knew who you were and what you represented. So, to you, Shep, please look down upon those that love you...you will always and forever be with us, my dude. Until we all meet again...rest in peace, cousin.
Peace. Much Love...
Angie Lee
I hear you...I really do..i have a lot to learn and I just learned a lot from reading this letter.. Thank You..
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